Drat!

I wish this blog didn't risk sounding like a broken record, but I seem to be in relatively low spirits today. Since that was my frame of mind last time I posted here, it could seem like it's my permanent condition. Actually, I had a good two-week vacation in between, which lifted my spirits a lot.

It's just the couple of days since I came home that have been increasingly drab.

I suspect it's the weather. Really, really. It kind of sucks to think how important that feels. This morning it's sunny and I'd love to think my mood would rise with the light. But it's also cold and the days are short. Whereas when I was in California and it was warmer and the days slightly longer, hey presto, I did better.

Sure, the rigors of a full time job may apply as well. But honestly, my job is just not that tough, and there are many aspects of it I enjoy. I am having a hard time believing that the plummet in my mood the last couple of days is just about "waaah, I have to sit at a desk."

Yesterday afternoon I was overtaken by a growing sense of disillusionment or .... despair?? I don't know quite what to call it. It only sharpened as I traveled homeward, even as I looked forward to being home and cocooning. I sidestepped some of it by doing pleasant things once I was home, but there was part of me that kept looking at the clock thinking "is it too early to go to sleep? Should I just turn in?"

I woke rested but not in better spirits. This morning, I'm getting things done and carrying on, but I feel bleakish.

It really sucks.