Breakthrough

This blog hasn't focused on music quite as much recently, but I've been working away. Yesterday I had a bit of a breakthrough.

What with being in California for two weeks at New Year's--where I didn't have access to musical instruments, other than a default training keyboard my brother has for the kids, but which they keep in the parental bedroom so the kids don't pound on it--and then somewhat sick on and off when I returned, plus the fact that I've gotten turned on to doing some painting again .... with all that, I hadn't done much with music so far in 2008. Not the end of the world, these things come and go. But before Christmas I'd been trying to put some time in on things every day when I could, treating it less as something to do when "inspired" and more as a daily part of life. I'd been missing music when I was away, but once I was back ....

Also, over the last couple of years, I've built up quite a stock of semi-finished tracks. It's nearing two years since I took my current job, which required me to buy a Mac (since I support those at work), which led me to Garageband, which got me doing more recording. But very few tracks have gotten finished. I'd been intending to put some of them to rest at last, and here I was not working.

When I was home sick the week before last, that started to break a little bit. But it broke with me listening to old records and wanting to cover those songs. Which is fine, but not the same as working on my stuff. Still .... Gary Numan's Replicas album got me to turn my keyboard back on, bless it.

And then I started fooling around with some riffs of my own. New ones ... which, again, is NOT the same as working on existing material. But: another step closer.

Yesterday, though, I had a big breakthrough. I woke up to an empty house, Alan and Pepper already having left for church. I find it easier to record vocals when I'm alone--something I'm sure I need to get over, but these things take time. And it's definitely easier to do any even noisier stuff with an empty house. So I thought to myself, well, let's get a little done.

The latest Garageband has more flexibility for doing looped recording, which is especially helpful for vocal takes. I hadn't really explored this feature, so I went after it.

And suddenly I was getting a LOT done, on a variety of tracks.

I can't recall if I've blogged about my ambivalence about vocal recording, previously. I don't know too many singers who *don't* have some ambivalence about their own voices, so it's kind of redundant to speak of, but it's something I've been confronting a lot over the last couple of years. I think the "experimental" nature of how I started out yesterday helped me avoid a little vocal tension I have sometimes carried into other sessions, even at home alone. And the ability to do multiple takes at a time was a huge relief.

I consistently made myself do three or four takes at a go, even if I thought the first or second was good enough. Good discipline!

Alan and Pepper were out for quite a while, so even as my voice started to wear out, I was checking through other tracks, listening for instrumental things I could work on as well.

I've been intending, for a while now, to put out a CD of my various songs. I don't pretend that I am an especially skilled recording engineer, so I know that the sound quality of such a collection will be variable. But I'm at the stage where I have a variety of solid pop songs in place, assuming I just **make myself finish some of them**--writing more lyrics for songs that need them, recording better takes of vocals, and just plain **letting go***. I want to get something out there so my friends who are interested can hear .... and so I can clear the decks, stop working on those songs (unless a recording contract should fall from the sky, or I put a band together to take them to the next level, or whatever). Be ready to move on to newer material without feeling like I'm simply abandoning so many half-finished efforts.

Heh. I say "pop songs" .... well, some of them were written as basic pop songs, and work decently as such. Others are more experimental. I guess, in the back of my mind, I've sort of being hoping to write more well-formed pop songs to go with the experiments, on the theory that I could end up with a record kind of like the second Human League album, "Travelogue," which mixes some slightly out-there instrumentals with some VERY out-there songs that, nevertheless, are all based on pop-song forms.

Maybe the most recent Human League album, "Secrets," is a better model: it harks back to "Travelogue" in mixing pop songs and instrumentals, but the pop is a little less weird, given Phil Oakey's greater interest in standard pop songs than the other original Human League members.

Anyway ....

I have more semi-complete pop songs than I thought I did (I mean, I knew I had a bunch, but I get so focused on the ones I'm most interested in lately, I lose track of how many others there are) and a BUNCH of interesting little experiments. Many of which are in very good shape.

So all of a sudden, it's sort of an embarrassment of riches. Rough-hewn, often silly .... wow, I wrote some VERY silly songs a year ago .... but I have a collection.

I just need to polish a few of them up (the ones that need or can even benefit from said polishing) and then let them go.

Drat!

I wish this blog didn't risk sounding like a broken record, but I seem to be in relatively low spirits today. Since that was my frame of mind last time I posted here, it could seem like it's my permanent condition. Actually, I had a good two-week vacation in between, which lifted my spirits a lot.

It's just the couple of days since I came home that have been increasingly drab.

I suspect it's the weather. Really, really. It kind of sucks to think how important that feels. This morning it's sunny and I'd love to think my mood would rise with the light. But it's also cold and the days are short. Whereas when I was in California and it was warmer and the days slightly longer, hey presto, I did better.

Sure, the rigors of a full time job may apply as well. But honestly, my job is just not that tough, and there are many aspects of it I enjoy. I am having a hard time believing that the plummet in my mood the last couple of days is just about "waaah, I have to sit at a desk."

Yesterday afternoon I was overtaken by a growing sense of disillusionment or .... despair?? I don't know quite what to call it. It only sharpened as I traveled homeward, even as I looked forward to being home and cocooning. I sidestepped some of it by doing pleasant things once I was home, but there was part of me that kept looking at the clock thinking "is it too early to go to sleep? Should I just turn in?"

I woke rested but not in better spirits. This morning, I'm getting things done and carrying on, but I feel bleakish.

It really sucks.